The problem with structure

As I'm writing my essay, things start to come together and feel good because I can see the structure emerging. It's great to create some order out of a whole lot of confusion. There's an aesthetic pleasure in it. But at the same time I feel wry amusement because at the end of the day, the reality is still confusion. By creating order I'm creating something artificial and something that feels quite dishonest. I start wishing I was a mathematician or I was painting in which case it's OK because the order is just "aesthetic". I don't like to claim that what I'm writing really represents something "real".

Thinking about Shon and Argyle, I'm creating the "espoused theory" that they go on about. I'm playing a game. I know I have to do this mainly just to show I "understand". But maybe it does also help me understand. It's the abstraction part of Kolb. I suppose recognising it's the espoused theory, and determining to go back and revise, do the "double-loop learning" helps get me out of the hole. It helps me justify my activities.